On Setbacks

Setbacks help one grow and learn. Even though it feels like absolutely everything is lost in the midst of the setback, there is always one thing that will always be gained - Experience. Provided that a conscious choice is made to positively learn from the experience.

Probably the first step is also taking stock of the entire situation and letting go of what needs to be put down. It's really much easier said than done when there is inevitable attachment to the matter, especially when so much hard work and effort has been put in. Or perhaps the matter was ended abruptly with less than just methods. But if you believe everything happens for a reason, then this statement itself explains everything elegantly and simply. It is what it is, things happened the way it happened. 

To neither be affected, nor try to empathise about the people and circumstance, might be the best way to absolve yourself of the situation and help yourself put down what needs to be let go of. Detachment from the persons and situations will probably give the mind space to grasp the bigger picture.

And just know that the universe always has your back. What you seek, you will always get. 

Read and Write

"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing."

-Benjamin Franklin

I love to read and write. Non fiction mostly - Auto biographies of interesting people, great books on better insights for self improvement, educating self on the subject of business that I was never formally educated in, and for leisure, I especially love poring through beautiful photographs of style and fashion all over the world. Somehow through these photos, I feel like I am instantly teleported to the subject of the beautiful photographs. And my favorite part of it is that I get a glimpse of what's really happening where these photos are taken -  is it winter or spring? are people mostly happy or sad? what are the trends that people all over the world are embracing, and possibly why? Its like looking into a well of water that reflects the parallel universe of the different human beings miles away from you. Its a same world, but very different lives.

So today I thought I'd share a few of my favorite sites and spread my love of these fabulous authors and the good work they do.

1. The Sartorialist.
I've been following this street style site for many years. And I love how the author captures his subjects in such a beautiful but real way. His captions are often succinctly poetic, letting the photographs speak for themselves rather than over describing it with superfluous speech.

www.thesartorialist.com

2. Kenzas.se

This site depicts a Swedish girl's life, especially of her chic street style set against the beautiful city landscapes of Sweden. Sweden is a place that holds fond memories of my very short stay there, and I always wondered what it would be like to live, work and play in that beautiful country albeit its freezing winter. And I really do like Swedish style for their simplicity and clean vibe.

http://kenzas.se

3. The Chriselle Factor
A site that documents current trends through beautiful, almost poetic photographs, as well as the author's personal style that extends even through her pregnancy. The personal touch of her soCal, american lifestyle lends familiarity with her proximity to Tucson.

4. Domaine Home

And lastly, looking at beautiful, livable real home designs are therapeutic. Domaine brings one through the private spaces of home owners whose tastes are so diverse yet so beautiful. A great resource for interior design and all things lovely.

http://www.domainehome.com

What will you be reading and writing this weekend?

xoxo,

crystael

Time

time

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

While driving yesterday, I heard of an interview with a couple who spoke about their current living experience with their 17 year old daughter who was suddenly diagnosed with leukaemia on the radio. Its funny that we hear these stories all the time, and often our heart simply goes out to them with pity and empathy. Perhaps we would stop for a moment and say a prayer for them to wish them speedy recovery, or also even decide to donate to these families who need help. And after that we move on and go about our daily lives.

But today, I don't know what struck me. From listening to this couple's experience, what really hit me was that one's life is really, truly limited. It is so strange, but I suddenly truly understood the essence of what it really means to "live each day like its the last". I imagined if I was the 17 year old girl's friend, what would I say to her? And I figured that I would probably be by her side actively encouraging her to do all the things that she wanted to do and accomplish in her life time. 

And then I thought, what if I was the one who had tomorrow as the last day of my life, what then would I do differently today? And I realised, how differently I would spend my day. In my life both in the master plans I've envisioned for the many years ahead, and down to the day-to-day nitty gritty, I realise I have so many things that truly matter to me that I want to accomplish. But yet I am guilty of wasting time and not using every minute purposefully. I acted like time was unlimited, infinite.

I am thankful for the message that struck hard in my heart and head today. That our time in this earth is limited. And what a difference I have observed in the way I conduct my day to day business and mindset.

Time is limited. Live like each day is the last and most probably, the things you choose to do each day will be the most purposeful. 

Pregnancy Updates - Week 19

12 Nov 2014

Today I'm at 19 weeks! which means the little one has already been growing and learning inside me for  41/2 months! which is kind of a halfway milestone for the whole pregnancy. My tummy is still relatively small, although lately my family has really been feeding me with so much food! I feel like I am eating at 40% more than my usual, especially since my appetite has sort of decreased ever since living in the US. Literally, at breakfast, I would be asked what I want for dinner, and at dinner I would be asked what I want for lunch the next day! Well, all I can say is, Lucky me! I think my family is just trying to feed me as much as they can for this one month. Though the quantities are still relatively small, I am not quite used to eating really proper food for every single meal, since I usually have very simple fruit or just a sandwich for lunch. Just yesterday I really decided I needed a food break and just had fruits for dinner.

It was an emotional day yesterday. In the afternoon, I experienced really painful and intense contractions for the first time, that was coupled with uncontrollable tears for not much rhyme or reason. The contractions were painful but not quite enough to warrant tears, I guess perhaps I felt helpless that's why. Read about it and found out that the contractions I experienced was probably Braxton-Hicks contractions which many women experience, although the intensity of it varies between women. But well, I hope I would only need to experience that just this once, until its really time for labour!

And at night when I laid in bed, when I was feeling particularly frustrated with the entire family for their lack of cooperation and childishness in their attitudes towards the business, and all the emotional baggage that comes with coming back to Singapore, I put my hand on my belly and suddenly felt a subtle kick for the first time! And oh my, all that frustration went away immediately! I felt as if my little one knew I was feeling unhappy and decided to cheer me up by presenting me with his first little kick! And as I messaged Justen to tell him about that, the little one suddenly became so active and was fluttering around my belly, probably waving his little arms excitedly to greet his daddy! So cute... I'm beginning to really feel its quite a magical experience to bear a little one for my loved one:)

In the morning when I awoke, everything felt pretty normal again and I didn't feel any movements in my belly. It was only when I messaged Justen, when I felt the little one flutter around in my belly again! How cute, looks like he really misses his daddy!

Can't wait to get back to give his daddy a real big hug!

Awoken in September

random thoughts

the heart speaks the loudest when the mind is quiet

I allowed my brain to slack off for a bit as I learned to deal with my new body with a little new life inside my tummy. With the progesterone raging in my body, it was hard to find motivation to do anything at all, especially when the work I do relies so much on self discipline. But as always, as I like to believe, everything happens for a reason. When our head stops bombarding us with things to do, to plan, to achieve, you suddenly hear what your heart desires loud and clear! Of course, the heart only speaks clearly after its fears and doubts that comes with embracing a new phase of life is addressed.

So cool! So I realised a heart's desire that never occurred to me - that I really wanted to spend time to nurture a child and mould him/her into a great human being that will make the world a better place. Wow, what a novel priority. And also, I am so glad to be bearing the child of my very dearly loved one! This kind of amazing joy and love towards my dearly loved husband is so indescribable, I can finally understand how new parents feel.

Also, so strangely, how all my musical dispositions are all awoken from their dormant sleep! Such that I devoured my music textbook that I studied for 4 years in secondary school all in one day. Such that hearing beautiful music played from the soul can bring tears to my eyes. Perhaps the little being in me was once a passionate and great player of music. Reading my music textbook again brought me to appreciate many great musicians of the past, this time with a more mature and thoughtful appreciation.  Just that poor Justen had to hear me rattle off excitedly the whole night on the history of music since the 1400s and the new discoveries I made on my new favorite composers.

I always knew Franz Liszt was a brilliant virtuoso pianist, but I never knew he was such a generous and nurturing musician of his time. I always knew Bach wrote many a great concertos, but never knew he had such a good strength of character and was a man who defied norms and pursued his dreams bravely! I always knew I loved Chopin's nocturnes, but never knew the piano piece with the very difficult left-hand parts that I always wanted to learn was the revolutionary etude he composed in response to seeing his country overtaken during the war! I never knew that I would one day ever appreciate music and the great musicians with this deep a fascination and appreciation. How I crave to play the piano again! To play my favourite Chopin's Nocturne in E flat major would feel so good.

Today, it also seems that the progesterone in me has worn down significantly and I find strength in pursuing my dreams again. I had toyed with the idea of creating a practical hand therapy ebook for a quite a while, but always questioned myself if I really am capable of producing a book of quality and use to hand therapy students and practitioners. But I figured... if I never try, I will never know.

Back to the gym today, the good ole slow jog also helped me straighten out my messy brain. Sorting out priorities for my life now in the US, and when I return to Singapore, and my career plans also feels really good. I am ready to be back on track to create a life that is filled with richness and beauty inside out.

Although I always felt uneasy about putting my career on a pause to fulfill my role as a devoted wife here in Tucson, I suddenly realise that this could indeed be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes pausing and taking a step back, certainly brings new surprise and perspectives. Consolidating my thoughts for the past months here, I learn that the most important thing is to be authentic and true to oneself. With that comes integrity, clarity and faith, which leads to true happiness from within.

Looking forward to a wonderful life that I create!

to an authentic self

create a beautiful life today.

xoxo,

crystael

white on white

white - the colour of everything

“Women think of all colors except the absence of color. I have said that black has it all. White too. Their beauty is absolute. It is the perfect harmony.” 

― Coco Chanel

top: ralph lauren / skirt: bangkok / bag: f21 / sandals: BCBG maxazria / accessories: hnm, gucci

In this extremely hot summer that has creeped up to 40+ deg Celsius on most days, white separates and dresses have become items that I reach out for the most, and of course, tons of sunscreen. How do you keep cool on hot days?

the rich color of white

create a beautiful life today.

xoxo,

crystael

The Truth about Relationships

living practical miracles 

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” 

-C.G. Jung

You know the Cinderella story, the truth is that relationships are certainly no such fairy tale. But you know the only TV drama that I watch, Sex and the City? No, its definitely not so complex as well.

In my quest to live a happy and purposeful life in which I live and create the exact life I desire, I find that the truth about relationships is that it is mainly comprised of a few Cs, and I have an urge to share what I have learnt about this magical topic today.

By the way, I also happen to believe that the simpler you keep things, the happier one is. Usually, I find that simplifying things gives me more capacity to use my brain on more things. But, I speak from my own personal experience, so don't simply take my word for it.


C is for Complex
By Complex, I mean our own personal complex. Our thoughts, feelings and perceptions about ourselves. This is the basic personal filter where we consciously or unconsciously give meaning to our experiences and interactions with the world, especially with our partners since they are often very important to us. 'Nothing has meaning except the meaning you give it,' basically sums up how our complex can rule our world.

So, if our complex is somewhat mechanically faulty, this faulty root would most likely trip up circuits quite easily. To fix this symptom, I usually go back to the electric board to see what's all going on down there. Usually, there would be some deep feelings or resentment against certain things I rather not have in my life. When that bugger is finally fixed, one should usually expect the following -

Otherwise, just keep going back to that electrical board and keep working on it. When you finally get it, you can only expect the unicorn to much more, much more bad ass.

C is for Communication

Oh well, the age old adage of how important it is for couples to communicate effectively. 

But, are you really doing it? 

Have we recently reminded ourselves that Communication is most importantly Listening and Speaking?

If we simply truly listened to what our partner is saying, we would already have accomplished perhaps 70% of the needed communication. But well if we haven't even listened, we could still rely on all the fancy words in the world to bring home just a 30% success rate. Imagine if you could only fulfill your basic needs to a maximum of 30% repeatedly. It wouldn't be long till your starving tummy becomes a bloated tummy of air ready to explode any moment. Then apply this vision and imagine it on your partner - and you have intelligently decided what type of fate you really prefer.

C is for Compromise

This C I read it as Com-Promise. Traditionally meaning, a promise made mutually. A compromise also implies that the benefits and sacrifices are applicable to both parties. Compromise definitely does not mean that only one party is actively making the 'compromise', while the other repeatedly expects understanding for his/her situation but shows no empathy or adjustment for his/her partner's needs. If that is the case, wouldn't that sound more like TOS for Too Overly Stretched? I think some gentle everyday Yoga stretching is really already enough for any healthy homosapien to handle.

C is for Core Values

How very corporate sounding.. But if you find that approaching work is easier than broaching the topic of relationships and emotions, it may help to know that relationships can also be viewed as a corporation where only 2 people work in. 

Beneath the surface of all the technical how-tos, the core values of the 2 individuals are the most important fundamental building blocks of the story. A couple or may have opposite interests but still thrive if they have similar core values. Because ultimately, core values are what creates a person's actions and hence his/her character. If this jigsaw doesn't fit, no matter how good one's complex, communication or way of compromise is, the puzzle may not be so complete.

Ok, that's enough about relationships today. 

Writing about this has helped me crystallise my thoughts, and I hope it was useful in some way.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  -Einstein

create a beautiful life everyday

xoxo,

crystael